Self-Portrait

Recently, I bought a new fancy digital SLR camera pieced together with all those tiny little buttons that do all those things I have little clue. Well, I'm starting to figure it out... While I am not gay (smooches to all my beautiful gay friends) , I am becoming fascinated with the woman body, real women bodies...freckles, curves, lips, eyes (oh yes the eyes are great), or bone structuring...especially in awkward contortions. Not only is it a great work out but it is a good lesson in how to work with shadow/light.

Since no one seems to be willing to sit for me, I've been sitting for myself. This process alone has inspired a new fondness of self-love with my own body--a new kind of comfortability. This new found acceptance has inspired my brain to contemplate on people's, including me, self-loath and abhorring emotions toward ourselves. Our bodies truly do so much for us! Why would any of us want to pick at all its little "imperfections"? I've participated in plenty of ridicule and cried many tears over my own body's flaws. However, now that I am opening myself up to being vulnerable (which required/requires an enormous effort), I am discovering just how beautiful my body can manipulate its environment and I personally find this quite fascinating. There is something miraculous, indeed, when you see a set of photos of yourself and really feel, well, beautiful. The little freckle on my right mandible--right under and in front of my ear suddenly becomes beautiful. A "blemish" I once thought I wanted removed. Why take the parts of yourself that make you uniquely you.

Exciting still, the other night I was able to take pictures of a friend who has always been shy and inhibited in front of my camera...even fully clothed! However, this night I was able to sit up an environment in which she let loose and WOW! I watched her smile at herself and get excited about her own face and body as she peered over the LCD screen! I know she has a long way to go but what a glorious unraveling to watch unfold. Those pictures will be up in a few days once I am able to load them, so I'll encourage you to look back. That is, once I get her permission to post her face on my rarely visited blog to the whole wide world! Muhahaha

Anyway, I happen to have approval for my own go ahead to post my photos. This is me playing with the camera by myself and a tripod (Ooo la la). Yes, I am naked and while this is a bit risque* even for myself, all nude parts have been cropped. In these, I am learning what angles I like, how light works in pictures, exposure, and how to setup (what I believe) to be interesting photo layouts (among other elements). If you have an opinion/suggestions, let me hear them. I am, by all means, a rookie. So, be gentle but honest =P Thanks for looking and reading about my experience.

Thanks to Jonathan for catching the misspelling*

-Susie E.